Starting Over After my Missed Miscarriage

My feelings of regret eventually turned into sadness. I am totally frustrated with the world at this point and feel like any signs of my old life are gone. I had gotten a job at Talbots a few months prior to get out of the house. I went back to work the same week of the miscarriage. I loved working for Talbots it was a very fun environment. Some of the customers were a bit snooty as a lot of them were the professor’s wives from the nearby college but it was fun to dress them.

On the other hand within a week I couldn’t stand their personalities anymore. I remember thinking about the baby while some lady was having a hissy over a small pull in the sweater she had purchased. I remember wanting to smack her because you practically had to get the magnifying glass out to see it.

After everything I had been through I couldn’t listen to the pointless complaining anymore. Ladies there are worse things that could happen in this world. I quit a month later.

I’m also back in the Neurologist office during this time to get the results from the lab work he had done. Dr. Gaffney was a breath of fresh air after the last Neuro. He is old and doesn’t have much of a personality but somehow we connect well. I wish I could ship him to California so that I have him back.

He tells me that I tested positive for Lupus Anticoagulant but he thinks that it has something to deal with the missed miscarriage. On the other hand this clotting disorder could be why I had such a nasty miscarriage. I will need to be retested to see if he is right. The problem with a Lupus Anticoagulant positive is I could only focus on the first part LUPUS. He assured me that all would be ok but I didn’t trust what he was saying.

Lupus Anticoagulant is an Antiphospholipid syndrome which is a condition that can cause clotting within your arteries or veins and various other problems.

Dr. Gaffney told me this and even after reading about the condition on Google all I could focus on was the Lupus part, mainly because Lupus Anticoagulant turns into Lupus 50% of the time.

I didn’t have my positive thinking cap on then so all I could focus on was that chance that this syndrome could turn into a bigger monster. Not the fact that it could stay the way that it was.

I joined Lupus forums and told my story. I had many wonderful responses and guidance from ladies that are living with Lupus. I met a few who were suffering through my worst fears. Their anticoagulant turned into Lupus.

These women were wonderful and so caring but there is no way that I wanted to end up like this. Some would post photos of hair loss which had happened to me already and rashes. These images scared me into changing my life.

I learned everything that I could about Lupus over the next month. I spoke to as many women as I could to hear their story and see if there was any way to stop Lupus before it strikes. I found a few things I could change to help myself were diet and stress.

This period in my life is where I look back and say this is the time of Gods bigger plan at work. Having this fear of getting full blown Lupus kicked me in the butt to change my ways and I strongly feel that this is why I am doing so well today.